I cut and dyed my hair and I'm incredibly happy with how it turned out. My mom called me Garcia, and if you've never seen Criminal Minds, then you probably won't understand. But I love the comparison. Tomorrow I'm going out to buy red lipstick and a new hair dryer, so I can actually do my hair.
Today was odd. It was good, it was bad, it was liberating. There isn't one word or emotion that would do the last day of November justice. My day started off on an awkward note-- my mom and I were both stressed and snapped at one another. We apologized right after, but that's how my day began. I was with Brenda all day, so she could do my hair. It was really nice since I hadn't seen her since the beginning of September. But the thing I love most about our relationship is that no matter how long we go without seeing one another, we always just fall back into our natural rhythm with one another. We talked, laughed, went out to buy dye. Came back to my place, sat outside (in the front yard) and she started to dye my hair.
I know that probably sounds awkward, but it was actually really nice. Especially since I'm so sensitive to hair dye-- being outside prevented a headache and feeling sick. But then things got ugly.
My father was supposed to come to the house today to pick up clothing-- a court appointed visitation to the house. My aunt was here. And immediately, they started in on one another. In the front yard, in broad day light, in front of Brenda and the entire neighborhood.
Literally every other word was whore-- out of both their mouths. Just, vile. My dad's friend, someone I grew up thinking was my uncle, just stood there and let him talk to her that way. In my opinion, it doesn't matter what a woman says to you, you should NEVER verbally assualt a female. I kept pointing towards him, to get my father and he'd go, "Come on, let's go" but that didn't work.
After 40 minutes of this, I turned and yelled at both of them-- "Shut up, both of you! You're supposed to be adults, not children. Now shut up and leave. Just go!" My dad's eyes almost fell out of his head. I started crying... My mom came out of the house, and oh my god, I was so proud of her. She wasn't emotional-- but calm, rational, a momma lionness. After that my dad calmed down... but it was ugly. I almost called the cops and was honestly surprised none of the neighbors had.
Brenda left so I could rinse out the dye and calm down. She sent me a text after I apologized and said, "No, it's really okay. I just feel terrible for you, my poor baby!" My heart was so full of love, I could barely contain it.
She came back over, finished my hair, I went out.
Had a talk with someone that I probably should of have had over two years ago. Even before it though, I knew the outcome... I don't know what I expected exactly. I basically said everything I felt, which is something I don't do, I'm not that person. But I exposed myself and yeah, it hurt to an extent to hear that they "don't know what I want," but didn't. I don't know. I wish I could explain this better? It was liberating for sure. Everything I said I'm pretty sure of: I know that I could make them happy, that I do. But I also know that letting the situation go on any longer wouldn't have been fair to me, or them, or anyone else who may have been involved.
Another thing I'm sure of though? Even though we decided to stay friends. He's going to miss me-- more than he realizes right now. I'm not the type of person you forget, and that's a promise.
But!
Maybe it's true what they say; "when one door closes, another one opens."
Almost at the same time, this guy I've been talking to for a few weeks asked me out on a date. Of course I had to say no because it was for right then and I was already out. But we decided that we will go on one, and he'll figure out something really fun for us. I'm excited for that... it'll be nice to actually go out in public with someone I have some feelings for. It's too early to say anything on that front, but we do get along really well. He's older, which I like, we banter and he keeps me laughing, he's taller than I am, musically inclined, and pretty cute.
We shall see.
I should get to sleep soon....
But first, what I'm listening to:
"If it means a lot to you"- A Day To Remember
"My Chick Bad"- Ludacris Ft/Nicki Minaj
"When 3's a Crowd"- A Day To Remember
"All I Want"- A Day To Remember
"Everyone Nose (remix, ft/ a shit ton of people)"- N.E.R.D
Also, I ran into Leah today. That was great. Got to spend time with Megan, Sam, and Josh-- a lot of laughs. And then I got to spend time with Linds and Kristin =)
My schedule for the rest of the week, and some of next week:
Wednesday: School (group presentations! oh noes!), eyebrows, spend time with my momma, drive out to Hollywood with Kristin for the Eve 6 show!
Thursday: Fancy Dinner Date Night at Sam's. 60s theme, cooking our own dinner! Grilled chicken and pasta, with veggies. Pick out secret santas.
Friday: Sleep! Megan's for movie night.
Saturday: Maybe seeing Krista =)
Sunday:
Monday: School.
Tuesday: Disneyland!
I'm just trying to keep myself busy and a smile on my face.
Either this coming week, or the week after will be my date. And I'm nervous and excited and mostly just nervous, lol. But he is such a nice guy. I don't know.
I'm missing Ronnie more and more every day. I went to IM his screen name last night, which I do occasionally... and it was no longer on my buddylist. I don't know why small things like that have the biggest impact. Like, little by little, he's slowly disappearing. The sudden loss, the denial, and now every day little tangible pieces are falling away.
After he passed, a week after maybe, I called his cell phone just to hear his voice and the number had already been disconnected. It's those little things... I just miss him.
