Tomorrow is a big day in my opinion. It's my last day of classes for the year 2010 and as usual, I'm sad and elated to see them come to pass. Without a doubt, I'm going to miss my History course and the people I've met because of it. I've never been more thankful for a winter break or break in general.

But what this really means for me? It's a new beginning,a fresh start, it's the precursor to the new year. And there is nothing I want more than to put this year, 2010, behind me. Ronnie had said that 2010 was year that never happened-- he had spent it in Aghanistan, the Dodgers didn't win their season, he and Vanessa had broken up for a short period of time; so what was the point in counting 2010? I wish it were that easy to say that 2010 never happened, that it's a figment of our imaginations, but it isn't possible with his absence.

I wish it hadn't happened, that's for sure; but there's no sense in arguing that it didn't.

I'll do a goodbye letter to 2010 at some point before the new year, but this closing is relevant-- this ending, it holds power and meaning and leads to a sense of closure to some degree in putting the last year behind me... even if it'll haunt me for the rest of my life.

This post isn't meant to be sad, really. But I'm still sad every day, I carry it with me and can't shake it off of me.

Sadness, it sticks to you like a sickness; it can premate every part of your life. It doesn't shake off.

But....

I'm not crying as much, though the nights are the hardest. Silly as it sounds, I'm still in denial and it hits me over again fairly often... I'm not sure why I can't believe it, when in less than ten days, it'll be two months.

But if you missed it under all that sad-stuff, I don't cry as much anymore.

To change the pace..

I'm excited for Finals, I'm excited to see Mary tomorrow after not seeing her since September(!!!), I'm excited for Secret Santas, our Christmas party and New Year Party, I'm excited to relax, to spend a ridiculous amount of time with my brother, to turn 21(!!!!), for January and for it not to be 2010 anymore.

And now it's time to pass out.

Wish me luck on my finals. <3