I've been meaning to update this thing since I got home, but I've been pretty focused on other facets of my life and have sort of put long-winded anything on the back burner for the time being.
Since I've been home for almost exactly a month (two days shy), I figured I should post, if for nothing else than to get down my thoughts and goals.
But first, here are a few vacation photos!
The Ballard Locks. For as many times as I've been to Washington, I've never been *here* before, and I have to say, I doubt I would have been able to appreciate it when I was younger. But it is seriously one of the coolest places I've ever been.
If you've ever seen Ten Things I Hate About You, then you might recognize this guy. He's the Fremont Troll who resides under the Fremont Bridge in Seattle. There is some ridiculously amazing street art in Seattle: a ginormous statue of Lenin, street art modeled after every day happenings, paintings on every corner, the shops and buildings themselves. But nothing compare to this! It's one of my favorite tourist spots in Seattle.
Also, obviously it's huge, but there's my 6'5" brother sitting atop its head for some idea of just how huge.
The next two are from Pike's Place, an outside market that sells everything and anything you could ever hope to have. It's one of the hot-spots, and not just for tourists, but for locals as well. It's vibrant, it's beautiful, and everything is fresh. It's a feast for the eyes and nose and ears, as local musicians play almost everywhere you turn. Pike's is pretty famous for it's 'flying fish' and showmanship of each vendor.
We spent the first few days of our trip in Lynnwood (about 15-30 minutes outside of Seattle -depending on traffic-), and the new few on Friday Harbor, an island in the cluster of the San Juan islands. So, obviously, we had to travel by ferry to get there and back again. From Seattle to FH, it's about an hour and a half.
On Mother's Day, we ended up taking a three hour tour of the islands themselves.
I can say now that I've been to a lavender farm! I love lavender, it's one of my favorite smells and one of my favorite teas. There, my sister and I had a great heart-to-heart, walked around the fields, and drank some delicious white-lavender tea (which, of course, I decided to buy). The field wasn't in full-bloom, though you can see where some of the bushes have begun to turn purple.
And here, after we returned to Seattle, before visiting Alki Beach (which was stunning!), is the famous Seattle Skyline.
My trip, was in short, amazing.
My siblings are so important to me and it really physically hurts that I don't see them as often as I'd like. I texted my sister on the way home at one point and told her I hated her, because even though I'm aware of how much I miss her, seeing her and then leaving her, is always like a punch to the gut.
She told me she hated me, too.
With my siblings, my older ones especially, I'm a completely different person. I'm loud and exaggerated and hilarious in ways that I'm not comfortable being in my every day life. With them, a really great part of who I am gets to shine and that means that for however long I'm with them, the three of us (usually four of us) are in tears from laughing so hard and so often. In hindsight, the things that happened probably aren't as funny as we thought they were, even with the context, but it's the company that matters. It's the company that makes whatever it is that's happening so damnably great.
As I said, my sister and I had a heart-to-heart, during our traditional and long standing practice of 'sister time.' It was the first time we've been able to really talk in the last two years. We've fought before, what siblings don't, but when our dad and my mom were divorcing, my sister and I would go months without talking because there were things I couldn't tell her and things I didn't have the courage to tell her.
It felt so good to just sit down and be honest and hurt and strong all at the same time. Sometimes I really don't give her enough credit when I have no reason to doubt her.
We're two very different people, that's true.
She grew up harder than I had to in a lot of ways.
Her mom was broke and raising two children, she had to get to know my mother, she had to accept Finn and I once we were born. Those are things that I will never understand.
Growing up, I never wanted for anything, I had both of my parents, and there was a ready made family just waiting for me to terrorize.
But again, there are things she'll never be able to understand about how I grew up.
She didn't witness or hear the abuse that happened in the house, all she is has is the word of my father and myself; Finn doesn't talk and she and mom are working on rebuilding their relationship, slowly but surely.
She encouraged... no, she implored me to move to Washington.
And here is where my main focus as of right now comes in:
My goal has always been to move to Washington, and that hasn't changed, I've just given myself a time-line to do so. And now, it feels real; it's tangible and I'm working towards it.
I love it there.
I may be a Californian, born and bred, but in my heart, I know that I belong there in a way that I've never belonged here. No amount of familial ties or friendships could change that fact. I've known it since I was seven and I was sitting in the audience at my sister's high school graduation.
A lot has changed, I have changed, but that desire and knowing never has.
My sister thinks that I'll thrive there in a way I've never quite seemed to do here.
And I agree.
And now I'm working towards getting there.
As for the other focus my life has suddenly taken:
Advocacy.
I've been working towards becoming a youth mentor and advocate for those who have survived sexual assault.
I'm applying to volunteer as a speaker through RAINN.
This is something I'm passionate about, perhaps, even to a fault. I've noticed more and more the weird looks my friends give me when I talk about the misogyny apparent in our culture; when I open my mouth about rape culture and gender identities and feminism. I thought it was bad when I talk about body-positivity and all that, but no, apparently the fact that I use the word feminist is frightening.
I may be passionate and I may be mad, but I find that it's better than the alternative.
But yeah, in other news:
I'm finally signing up for the gym (and will post my running/work out playlists at a later date)
Finn is home! My partner in crime! And I can't wait for the mayhem to begin. I know that I saw him last month, but I swear that he's grown an inch and his afro is bigger than it was.
Next Saturday, my best friend and I are going to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Every weekend they play old 'classics' and it's a pretty big to-do. I know they've shown in a few movies, most recently, in Valentine's Day and I am super excited. We're packing a picnic and some wine.
My best out of state friend might come spend a week/end here! I'm so excited. I was supposed to see her when I drove back through Oregon, but some family issues made it so it wasn't possible. I really hope she's able to and that work doesn't interfere for either of us.
Oh.
And Disneyland.
I can't wait.
Also, I've been reading A Song of Ice and Fire and can say that I'm absolutely in love. I know, I know, I'm late to the party, but the only thing that matters is that I finally showed up.
I started reading when I got back from WA and read the first three books in about a week each. I'm reading the fourth as slowly as I can, since the friend I'm reading them with is still on the third. But Holy Shit.
I'm trying to figure out how this level of genius even exists in this day and age (that isn't to say that great books haven't been published, hello Neil Gaiman and JK Rowling). But the fact that each book is about 1,000 pages (give or take) and that he's still writing them, I can't even contain my levels of love.
I'm obsessed with The Hound (which, of course I am) and Jaqen (though, if you've read the books/seen the show, you know how much time he's actually allotted as 'Jaqen'). As I'm reading, I wish I could be more like Arya and have slowly, yet unfailing, come to love Sansa.
I'm sure every character that I've attached myself to (even the ones you're not innately supposed to like) will die, because that's the way the world works, but I am so excited by this series.
I'm worried to finish a Feast for Crows since then, I'll only have a Dance with Dragons to read...
GRRM needs to crank out the next two relatively soon.
Please.
Please?
But yeah,
I was going to go on this whole thing about how forming myself as an advocate has made me re-examine my own survival, but that would have been long and messy, and this entry is already long and messy enough.
It's also quite cheerful, which is a big leap from the last dozen or so blogs I've actually put any thought into.
