As I've said in a previous entry, I've been toying with the idea of changing my major for about a year new. Very nearly, if not exactly. It isn't that I don't love kids, because I do. Most everyone who knows me knows I'm more than just good with them, I'm sort of great. I'm maternal, I'm caring, I'm compassionate, but I also know how to put my foot down when they get out of hand. And I would love to be around children all day, helping them reach their potential-- especially the children that society views as lesser because of mental/physical impediments. That desire and want hasn't changed and I don't think it ever will. But I also know that at the end of the day, a job like that, no matter how rewarding or good I'd be at it, would be emotionally taxing.
I was planning on making my final choice at the end of this semester, with the completion of one of the classes I'm enrolled in. But the first day in, my heart was set to change. All it took was sitting in that classroom, going over a familiar though slightly tweaked syllabus for me to know that in my heart, as much as I'd love it, I don't want to be a special education teacher anymore. That's not to say that I don't want to work with kids, because I do-- but not in that setting; surrounded by things that as a student myself, I'm not very fond of.
But of course, I decided that I would wait until May to officially declare my change in major, just to make sure.
That is until I was made aware that my college has brought back our study abroad program... and the choices for studying abroad are: Florence, Italy; or London, England. And now, honestly, both would be ideal. I want to visit both, without a doubt.
But studying abroad in Florence, the potnetial, the chance, has given me all the reason to believe that my change in heart concerning my major is right. And that the Universe is fully pushing me in that direction.
Why?
Because I've been considering changing my major to a double major, in History and Art History, focusing primarily on European History/Art History, and the Renaissance. And the birth place of the Renaissance, my favorite and most inspired time period?
Florence, Italy.
It seems too perfect to not be a sign. A push. The Universe guiding me gently to what it is I'm meant and should be doing.
That doesn't mean I don't want to teach. My ideal would be to do my double major, and then minor in education, all the while working in a hands-on/teaching museum, and working with students who come to the museum.
Honestly, it just feels too right to be wrong. To be a miscommunication. Here I am, considering this drastic change in life-time goals... and then this, this amazing and unheard of oppurtunity! It isn't something I can possibly or willingly pass up.
So...
I'm applying.
I'm applying to study abroad in Italy for two months this summer.
Can you believe it?
It's all I've been able to think of and I still can't believe the way my life has fallen into place the last few weeks. It seems too much like a fairytale for me to believe it.
Or humbly accept the possibility of living out a life-long dream of not only visting Italy, but living there for a time.
Unfortunately, the inital meeting is tomorrow afternoon, but I'll be out of town. So hopefully they'll allow me to pick up the papers after my class (an hour before the meeting actually starts). I'm keeping my fingers crossed. And if you're reading this, I ask you to do the same for me-- keep your fingers crossed, send positive vibes my way, etc.
This is the chance of a lifetime. And after the last three months I've had, with Ronnie passing, with my parents divorce, with friends leaving and whatever else, I need this. I just need this single, amazing thing to happen for me.
I want this.
More than I've ever wanted literally, anything in my entire life.
Nothing until this point has made me so excited or more eager to jump out of bed in the morning. Nothing has put so many butterflies in my stomach or made me smile so much at the potential.
If you've ever wanted to do something for me-- do this, just wish me unexplicible and unadulturated luck.
