But I'm back.
And my new year so far, has been spent being a sick little person. I'm downing cough drops like they're candy, drinking copious amounts of tea, and am sleeping at the weirdest hours due to coughing and being plain exhausted. In case you were wondering; yes, my birthday is in five days. Which means I'm trying very hard to kick this cold in the ass so I can be healthy and completely stupid at dinner.
But other than being sick, I feel as though I started the new year off right.
I went to dinner with Krista and Anna, which basically meant I spent three hours laughing so hard, I almost fell out of my chair every few seconds. Originally, I had planned on staying in with my mom and watching movies, but she encouraged to me go out, even for a little while. But yeah, we went to dinner and had a great time. We kept saying how terrible it's going to be, having a class together, because we honestly will just be laughing the entire class block-- not to mention that the class starts at 8am. So, ontop of being our ridiculous selves, we'll be delirious from lack of sleep. It sounds wonderful! It really does.
On the drive home, we got onto the subject of guys and sex, which was oh so much different from dinner. Not. But we got into how Anna has morals and standards, which are something Krista and I just don't have. Which isn't exactly true, but it was hilarious. I'm not sure why it was so funny, but I suppose that's just how Krista and I get when we're together. We don't stop laughing and I love that about our friendship.
We dropped Anna off at 11:45, and then Krista and I rang in the new year, in her car, all nostalgic. Sometimes I forget just how far back we go, but then we talk about choir and CBC and I remember that she's been by my side longer than most people.
After our talk and laughter and ridiculousness, I came in and had a glass of wine with my mother. We toasted to my grandmother, to Ronnie, to a better yea; 2011, please be good to us. Later that night, morning, Jon and I watched Road Trip together.
All in all, NYE was pretty flawless. It was definitely the best I've had since I was 15 and I sincerely hope that it speak well for the next year. I'm not asking for flawless or perfect or even good, I'm just hoping for managable and healing, with laughter, love and incredible memories. That might be too much, but a girl can hope and work her hardest to make it a year worth remembering for the better days.
I got to end the year dancing in my pjs with four of my closest friends; we sweated and laughed and jumped around, we danced to Michael Jackson, did the Charleston, and ended it all with some Beyonce. We ate too much pizza, drank too much water, and watchd Skins.
We made our own Skittles vodka, I tried tequila for the first time and didn't hate it (didn't love it either), but I was pretty much gone after the second shot. We learned so much about each other, we laughed and had heart to hearts; we danced some more, we recorded stupid videos that make me laugh so hard, I cry; and there may or may not have been stripping involved. I drunk texted my friend Josh that night, but luckily he didn't take advantage of the situation, though apparently he was tempted.
I feel good times ahead. A lot of healing and a lot of good for all of us who have been suffering-- as long as we are open and ready for it; otherwise, we'll all be stuck where we have been. And I don't know about anyone else, but I am so sick of sadness.
I am ready to laugh and scream and dance and sing loudly; I am ready to love and remember and hope so fiercly, my heart could burst out of my chest.
There are so many things I want for this year, but primarily to heal and ciiche as it sounds, fall in love. Not the manufacturd, everyone's doing it, sort of love. Truly, I feel like I'm ready.
And let's face it, I'm tired of playing with boys who have confused themselves for men.
I'm not going to chase it, or wish for it, I'm going to let it happen naturally, without too much poking and prodding and impatience. We'll see how it goes, this laissez-faire love experiment.
But I know how it won't go.
I have this 'friend' that I met when I was in 8th grade, so I was 13/14 years old. It was a complete accident.
A friend and I were at a local park and heard music coming from someone's backyard, the gate was open and people were walking in and out freely, without anyone stopping them. They were obviously older than we were, but we didn't really care.
We walked into the stranger's yard and hung around for awhile. We were noticed, introduced, they offered us cigarettes, beer, asked if we liked the music. One guy in particular seemed to take a liking to us. We exchanged numbers and hung out on occasion.
He would hit on me all the time, but I wasn't interested.
As I got older and started dating, he wold text every few months to see if I was with anyone. And usually, even if I wasn't, I would say yes just to get him to leave me alone. And without fail, it worked every time.
Tonight, I got an AIM from him, but since his internet kept going in and out, he just decided to text. I only talked to him because I was under the impression that he was with someone. Apparently I was wrong.
"Single?""I'm actually talking to someone right now. You?"
"I just got out of a relationship almost a month ago.""That sucks."
"Yeah, so.... Okay, do you ever talk to two guys at the same time?""Lol, no."
"Oh, damn.""Why do you ask?"
"Well, cuz I've always been into you and would like to start talking to you. See if we could have something."
I told him I was flattered because I literally cannot be mean to someone when they tell me they have feelings for me, even though his feelings are about shallow as possible. We haven't seen each other in years, he hasn't texted me asking if I single, in close to two. So, yeah. No.
He asked if things didn't work out with who I'm talking to, if maybe I'd give a chance. I told him I didn't really know him anymore, and that things are going really well with who I'm talking to, so I couldn't say.
Eventually he said this:
"Have you changed? Appearance-wise? Or are you as sexy as I remember?"
When I told him I definitely wasn't sexy, he said; "I'm sure you look hot. I was checking out your pic on AIM; cute face, nice big boobs. You looked pretty sexy."
After that, I stopped talking. He kept texting, but I stopped looking at my phone. I'm not sure why some guys think that's attractive? Did your momma drop you on your head as a child? That is not the way to talk to someone you haven't seen or spoken to in years. And nice big boobs? Yeah, I know-- they're mine. You really don't have to tell me. It's just so off-putting.
Is that the way you get them panties wet, boy? Because it isn't going to work on mine.
If we were close enough for him to talk to me like that, this wouldn't be an issue. I mean, my friend Josh who I mentioned earlier, I've known for almost three years and we're constantly teasing one another about sex and our bodies-- I know he wants to see my tits, he knows I'd have no objection in sleeping with him. But we still respect each other.
Respect is where it's at, buddy. Please, go get some.
That is exactly what I don't want.
In the right setting, complimenting my body is awesome-- go for it. I encourage you to worship my curves, but for the love of god, don't do it like a five year old, drooling at the prospect of a shiny new toy.
That's a peeve of mine. I'm not an object, and I'm definitely more than my breasts. Thank you very much.
Anyway.
I had a dream about Ronnie, but I don't want to shame it by tacking it onto the end of that rant. So in a day or two, I'll regal everyone with it. But let me just say, that even though it brings tears to my eyes, it brings comfort and solace to my heart.
