Which isn't as terrible or as depressing as anyone actually thinks. I've spent most of my adult life 'technically' single and I'm comfortable with that fact. Single life can get lonely though, I won't try and tell you otherwise.
Four months ago, I was at a completely different place relationship-wise. I was in love and it was exciting. I basically had what I figured to be the rest of my life planned out in-front of me. Military girfriend, would eventually become Military wife. California born and raised would have eventually become familiar with ever-changing orders and bases and packing and unpacking. I had thought about wedding dresses and rings and receptions; what color my bridesmaids would wear, as to not clash with his Mess Dress uniform or Dress Whites. How I would handle moving across country away from all the people I love; if I would acclimate quickly to my new surroundings and being someone's someone for the rest of my life.
But for one reason or another, after sometime, I couldn't see myself as that person... no matter how much I wanted to. Even when you really care about another person, even if you really love them, the pieces don't always fit. And maybe in some alternate universe, he and I are married and have children and I would have been content being 20 with my whole life set in stone. But this isn't an alternate reality and people are human and make mistakes, and sometimes too much is too much. Sometimes you have to walk away. I had completely lost myself in him, was day-dreaming about breaking all the rules I had set in place for my life.
- No moving in with one another if you haven't been together for year (or more); this includes hauling your ass across country on the off-chance that a relationship will be functional.
- Do not even consider marriage before you're 25! Before then, you're lucky if you know what shirt you want to wear when you wake up in the morning. You are in no place to sign over the rest of your to another person.
- Absolutely no children until you're married.
Four months later, I'm content knowing that I made the right choice for me, even though it meant losing someone I genuinely cared for. But all is well that ends well, right? He's engaged and I'm going to assume happy, which is all I really ever wanted for him. Even if it wasn't with me.
But this is about being single, not being almost engaged.
There isn't much to say about singledom, really. Like I said, yes it gets lonely. I don't think people are made to be alone in any sense of the word. We thrive and surrive on human contact and warmth. So yeah, most definitely, it would be nice to wake up every once in awhile next to someone I adore and go about my day knowing that at some point I'll get to kiss them or hear their voice and laugh.
It's kind of terrible knowing how much you have to offer another person, but having no one to offer those great things to. Not to sound conceited, but I know that I'm a good girlfriend-- that I offer my friendship, as well as all those private parts of myself that most people will never see.
Now that I've become more confident and more comfortable in my own skin, it's easier for me to be carefree and less reserved. And those are the times I feel the most attractive-- those are the times when I really wish I had my own someone.
When I bounce around the house cleaning, in my pjyama shorts, tank tops and flannels; singing and dancing and not getting much done because I'm so caught up in being happy and being alive. That's when I wish I had someone to bounce along with me, or grab me and kiss me, or something else silly and sentimental.
And I suppose I don't have to mention all the sex I could be having with someone I find attractive who also finds me attractive, who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. There's nothing more intoxicating or seductive than that, in my honest opinion.
So... being single is what it is.
But if you know anyone interested in a mildly attractive, fairly intelligent, sort of funny, 20-something, who can go from free-spirited and carefree, to pretty much consumed by desire at the drop of a hat, let me know.
Trust me, there's so much more to who I am, then the shy and somewhat awkward girl most of you know.
