My birthday was really nice. I mostly just spent time with my family; mom made my favorite (traditional) dinner, bought cupcakes, and we finished Rise of the Planet of the Apes (which was surprisingly good-- much better than I expected it to be!). As far as presents go, I feel as though I made it out as a bandit and honestly didn't expect too much after Christmas.
To my surprise:
$300 for Forever 21
Over $200 for Barnes and Noble
Over $50 for Regal Entertainment
$50 for Sephora
$25 for Bath and Bodyworks
And a necklace from my momma (which has become tradition)
I feel really humble, once more, by the generosity of my family and their willingness to go out of their way for me. It's more than I ever expected! But the gifts are practical: these are the things (with the exception of movie going) that I spend the most on.
Also, I did two things I was extremely proud of myself for yesterday. The first, I threw away the break-up journal I had written back when I was 16. It was a fairly traumatic break-up that followed an equally traumatic relationship and when I wrote it, I was in a pretty destructive place. The second, I tore up and then threw away the photos my attacker took the day he sexually assaulted me-- it took me nine years to build up that courage. I wasn't sure if I'd ever really live without the shadow of both over my head.... but throwing them in the trash, liberating myself, felt better than I ever could have imagined. This is the year of new life.
Now, I've been working on this for a while. I feel as though there is so much I want to accomplish this year, that limiting myself would be silly, but then I remember that making a list is as if I've made some sort contract with myself and I get excited by the prospect of it all.
These are in no particular order; not one takes priority over the others.
1. Get Better Organized:
Take the time to store things properly, hang up clothes (I usually just leave them in baskets and go on my merry way), find a (new) suitable method for storing make-up and accessories, refile all of my school notes/essays/exams, and re-box all of my shoes to keep my space tidy and open.
2. Get One of my Three Big Tattoo Pieces:
Either my Claddagh on my left shoulder blade, my Bukowski tribute/Hummingbird designed by my beautiful Ambo-Pop on my right thigh, or my roses for my mother on my left thigh.
3. Get a Car:
My friend Leelee has offered to sell me hers once she buys a new one, and it's a very good offer. Either that, or find a seller from craigslist or one of those numerous car sites. I've been looking and have a price-range in mind, and what type of car I'd like... but I'm not going to be too picky. I just need one.
4. Get Back into School:
I'm going to transfer from the one I've been at for the last two years and finish my AA. I'm this close to being done before I can transfer to Uni and putting my schooling on hold has been one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make.
5. Take Up Some Sort of Sewing/Needle-Point:
I need more productive hobbies! I'd just really like to do something new with my time.
6. Drop 2-3 Pants Sizes:
My weight has been yo-yoing since Ronnie died, and I'm constantly trying to compensate with new clothing. I love my body, there's no debate or question about that, but I'd like to get to a size and stay there for more than a year. Buying new clothes constantly is such a strain. Plus, 2-3 pants sizes from where I am would be perfect for my body type. I just need to tone up and keep healthy.
7. Audition For a Show:
I've been training myself and am almost back to where I was when I was in vocal training every day (consistently for 10 years) and I'd really love to get back on stage. Or at least attempt to.
8. Get My Kurt Vonnegut Tattoo:
There's not much to say about this one. I've wanted it for 3/4 years and it hasn't happened yet.
9. Find a Full-Time Position:
Now that I have a ton of job experience, it's harder to find a job than when I'd had none at all! It's really frustrating.
10. Start Walking Again Every Night:
When I was in high school, I walked absolutely everywhere, all over the city and never once complained. And even after that, I'd go walking every night, but again, after Ronnie died, I stopped taking care of myself. I really need to get back into the swing of things.
11. Cook At Least One New Meal a Week:
I've discovered that cooking is a real passion of mine and I collect recipes like no other. My mother's palate is very sensitive, so it's hard to find something she'll eat that I want to try to make. But regardless, this is the year I'm going to expand my talents and horizons.
12. Bake At Least Twice a Month:
I don't bake nearly as often as I'd like. Maybe once every four or five months, maybe less than that.
13. Try My Hand at Some Sort of Tutorial:
I'll need a better web-cam before I can pull it off, I think. Unless I find a nice tripod for my actual camera. But I have so many hair tutorials, nail tutorials, and makeup tutorials that I want to share with everyone! Now that I've actually made an investment in those aspects of myself, it's all I want to do when I get online.
14. Do a Giveaway:
I actually have one planned, but it won't be on here. I just have to keep myself honest and work hard to do it. Whenever it comes to things like this, I get shy and chicken out.
15. Go Out of State:
I don't care if I just go to Vegas, I want to get out of California for a few days time and just relax. Ideally, I'd love to visit my Sissy in Washington, or my brother and the babies in Florida! Even though I absolutely hate Florida, lol.
16. Do a Healthy Detox:
It just seems like a good idea to clean out your system, honestly. Plus, I'd like to know that I have the willpower to do so.
17. Read 50 Books:
This is a goal every year and I'd like to say I've done it in recent years, but I haven't. It's time to start spoiling myself in literature again!
18. Work on Original Fiction:
I've put my original stuff on hold for more practice, and I love the practice. I love having a community that is receptive to my some-what borrowed vision; I love having that support and constructive criticism. But I need to start being true to my own words and push myself past my wall to work on my voice.
19. Immerse Myself in the DIY-World:
Lately I've been obsessed with crafting, after years of admiring from a-far, and I don't think I'll ever go back to being a simple spectator when I can be making beautiful things myself. It's liberating and so much fun.
20. Join a Roller Derby Team:Yes, just yes.
21. Grow My Hair Past the Small of My Back:
It's pretty long, but not long enough! I've become obsessed with my hair, its health, length, and overall appearance. I prefer the way I look with longer hair now, but I know that eventually I'll chop it all off again. And when I do, I want it to be as long as possible so I have more wiggle room with style.
22. Fall in Lurve:
Yes, yes, I couldn't get anymore cliche if I tried. But now that life is getting back on track, things are looking up, and I've never loved myself more, I've decided I shouldn't stop myself from finding happiness. Whenever it comes to dating, I do nothing but self-sabotage out of fear of inadequacy. I feel as though I'm really ready to open myself up to another person and embark on a journey with them. We'll see how it goes!
Anyway! This is my list and I'm super excited to start embracing my life and working hard for my future.
